The house is empty. The weather is cold and I feel so alone now. Been thinking of a lot this few days but I can never think of the conclusion. What will the final outcome be? No one knows.. still waiting for time to pass and feelings to fade.. Maybe then the outcome will appear itself.. But. how long more do I have to wait? Sick and tired of waiting..

This is the 4th week of the june holidays and what have I done? Quite a lot actually but haven't raelly got time for myself and for friends. Only managed to meet up with shi zhen, da tou and wyy. The rest? No idea. Spent my first 2 weeks doing school stuff and going for band prac and also a little of something else.. 3rd week was the camp. Actually I also do not know why on earth I went back to join band. It stole my whole june hols.. or maybe half of it. People say it's a waste of time since nj band is not good but maybe there's something more than that? Personally I don't quite deny the fact that ny band is better. In terms of the attitude towards band and everything else. In the past everyone practises very hard and focuses during prac time. Everything that the conductor says, we would write it down, make a note and then improve on it. However this is not so commonly seen in my current band. Maybe it's just the attitude of people.. cca doesn't seem as important as before.. o wells.

Okay. Now for the camp! I am gonna get excited. haha. Since the start of the year I've been planning the camp.. late meetings at amk sometimes and it was really draining because I stay really far from there and often had to go home alone.. sometimes there's people going home with me but still the journey back home alone is quite lonely. I am glad I took part in this camp. The people and the volunteers there are really amazing! Currently I am attached to 3 different organisations.. but i still feel that HELP is the best! Maybe its the people there. They make us feel welcomed and they do take care of us. The volunteers there are mainly of my age and we can hit off rather well. As for the other two.. one of them is full of adults so it is not easy mingling whereas the second organisation doesn't give us sense of belonging. Been to do my weekly cip for quite a few times but I realized that everytime I go, there's nothing for me to do and that they do not need me at all. Then I start to wonder, why am I there? Never mind. I shall elaborate a little of my camp!

It's really fun being part of "Energizer Camp". So many little kids around and you will never get sick and tired of them. They scream at the top of their voices and they love to fight?! Sometimes I just don't understand kids. What's so good about fighting? If one person gives in, everything will be solved.. Maybe the kids are still too young and innocent to realise what is actually happening! Just be a little nice to them and they'll be nice to you! It's really funny seeing them quarrel over trivial matters! It is definitely one camp that I will remember for life.. Hopefully I will be back next year again! HELP rawks =)

I am so bored. I am starting to look at myself from a third's person's view. Who will I be? How will I look like? Two days ago I felt really horrible. All of a sudden my stomach hurt and then I felt giddy. At that instant I thought I was going to faint. Couldn't move as I was engulfed by pain. I couldn't hear people speak. All that I knew was that I may just faint and die. My whole body became jelly-like. First time that I actually felt this way. Maybe my body is exhausted. Maybe my brain is dying?

17 years of living. Who am I? What else do I have to embrace before everything can settle down peacefully?

I dream. Dream of a happy life without worries.