It's just very tiring sometimes.. I wonder when will all these ever end..

I wasn't very happy yesterday upon self-realization of a fact that has long existed.

I know that I have very high expectations of myself and that's probably why I didn't enjoy things with others. I get stressed up easily and people near me will get stressed by me somehow even though I have no intention of making them feel that way..

..and that's why I am always doing things alone.

Sigh. Maybe I am destined to be a solo worker such that I wouldn't inflict any stress on others. I seriously wonder how many people can stand my work attitude..

yupp. perhaps there's more things for me to do. perhaps there's more things for me to learn as well. I haven't quite found the right way of doing stuff all the time.

Alright. enough of the sad moments. Let's talk about something happier. I visited grandpa today and everytime I see him, it reminds me of a relative.

Mmm. I hate the way you ignore him apart from saying hi when he's all fine or ill. I hate you for not showing enough care. and most importantly, I HATE YOU for scruntinizing him like a specimen when you've got more medical knowledge. I REALLY DON'T LIKE the feeling when you analyze him like your specimen and then try to deduce what's wrong with him. Yes I know you wanted to apply your knowledge but please don't do that. It's so irritating to see you show your supercial love and concern all of a sudden.

I really HATE it.

Somehow, I just want to be protective of those that I love..

I don't know why. I seem to have lost the drive already. sometimes there's just so much things in me that I want to say but I have got no outlet.

surprisingly, I realized I am beginning to talk to myself more than ever. For some unknown reason, I am thinking too much. Just got to know of an unpleasant issue and I am thankful with whatever I have now.

I will learn to treasure. and I will learn to to embrace whatever that is coming my way.

I am supposed to study for my fm quiz tomorrow but apparently I just can't find the zest to do it.

why?

I tried staying at home to study today but I failed. I fell asleep while doing my work and I really can't deny the fact that my bed is SUPER DUPER sleep inducing. I fall asleep within 5mins 100% without fail everytime. haha.

alright. so I woke up feeling very dazed and I dragged my dad to play badminton with me. YAY! it was really fun coz I haven't exercise for really long and I made my dad exercise with me too! WHEEEE~ After playing badminton we actually went to Bt Batok Nature Park to jog. haha. couldn't quite remember the last time I went there.

It was really fulfilling to spend quality time with my dad (: felt really happy.

watched the last episode of yi qie wan mei. I don't really fancy local drama but I pretty much enjoy watching this show, maybe because michelle is the lead actress! Wang Tian Cai mentioned this sentence: "Although I am physically very tired, but my heart is not tired."

Meaningful, isn't it?

How often do we do things because of love? Love is such an amazing power that no one can withhold.

OKAY. I am so happy that weekend is here once more. STUDY STUDY STUDY =)

...I miss panda.

I entered sadeaf today once more, with entirely different feelings and expectations, holding different responsibilities.

I volunteered there in 2006 and was asked to join the IDD committee. It was an eye-opener for me and I realized learnt a great deal of stuff, albeit that I couldn't understand sign language at that time. The familiarity I once had was overwhelming and I couldn't resist the temptation and I wish to return to sadeaf again.

I recall the nights where I travelled all the way down to sadeaf late at night just to settle props and goodie bags stuff. Likewise, I miss Lizhen and Dawn as well. Havne't got a chance to see them for years already..

so here I am.

I embraked on a journey with COR. I am thankful that I am part of COR for it gave me lots of opportunities to learn as well. Even though my sign language is still quite bad, I managed to practice it a little with the HIs =) I was really slow in reading their finger spell coz one really needs complete and focused attention in order to catch all the alphabets. Hopefully, I can master the sign language one day!

when we opened the door in the morning, I saw siu fai and he was SHOCKED and STUNNED to see me back in sadeaf. I almost forgot that he existed till his appearence today. It was really nice to see him. Others were surprised that I actually know sadeaf staff. haha. o well.

I look forward to COR 2009 =)

Skeptism.

I seem to fear the world around me and I just want to go a little corner and hide myself. Away from all the superficial humans and pretendence. Everyone should just stop wearing their masks and learn how to be truthful.

I hate the world.